On the Case
by finalfantasized
Summary: Zexion is a detective. Paine is part of a group of thieves. When a detective gets emotionally attached, things have to go wrong. Especially when he's falling in love with the person he's after. Zexion x Paine
1. Chapter 1

Another crazy story! And another crack pairing! Who is it this time? It is the glamorous Zexion x Paine pairing! Hope you enjoy! R&R please!

Paine stood in front of the jewelery store, trying to measure the thickness of the windows. Her friend, Yuna was inside the store, figuring out how tight the security is and her friend Rikku….was with Gippal. 'Lazy bum,' she thought. Her cell phone rang. "Paine here," she answered.

"Hey Paine, its Yuna. Why don't you head back to base? I'll handle things here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, you need a break from all these robberies. Go back home and enjoy a nice hot bath!" Paine rolled her eyes.

"Alrighty, if you say so." She hung up and started to walk down the icy streets. 'Damn this cold!' she thought as she shivered, her tiny leather jacket not keeping in the heat. A car sped by her, driving through a muddy slush puddle and sprayed it all over her face and the right side of her body. "Hey! Watch where you're going!" she spat out. 'As if this day wasn't already stressful enough', she thought bitterly. The car that had sprayed the mushy ick onto her had started to back up. It stopped next to her and out came a man whom she could have sworn had come down from heaven. Or hell. She wasn't sure which one she liked better. His hair looked like pure silver and his eyes seemed as if black opals had been drilled into his skull. She was convinced that Sephiroth must have been proud of her doings and sent her a little gift. In other words, he was gorgeous.

"Are you ok?" the man who was a jewel itself asked.

"Y-yeah," she stuttered,

"Sorry about that. I was kind of in a hurry."

"I-it's ok," she stuttered once again, partly because she was cold and partly because of her nervousness.

"You're cold," he stated in a very business like manner.

"N-no, I-I'm f-fine."

"Here," he motioned towards his car. "Get in."

"W-Why?"

"I'll give you a ride." Her eyes widened and her face started to turn cherry red. "Not like that! I meant I'll take you home."

"Oh," she said, somewhat disappointed. 'I was kind of meaning he would….what the hell am I thinking? I don't even know this guy!' "That's very nice of you, but I can walk."

"No, you'll freeze to death," he said. "Get in."

"I don't ride with strangers," she said as she started to walk away. He quickly grabbed her arm and threw her into the car and quickly went into the driver's seat. "Where are you taking me?" she said, fear obviously in her voice. Was this man a rapist?

"I'm taking you home as soon as you tell me where you live," he said.

"I told you, I don't ride with strangers. Nor do I even speak with them." He sighed. Seeing as this was getting both of them nowhere, he held out his hand.

"Zexion."

"What?"

"My name is Zexion," he repeated. "Now I'm not a stranger to you."

"Oh….I'm Paine," she replied. There was a long silence.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"We're no longer strangers."

"So?"

"So aren't you going to tell me where you live?"

"Huh?" she asked. "Oh right, right. I live 10 blocks from here just go down this street and make a right turn at every traffic light you hit."

"Alright then," he said and started the car. There was another long silence. Paine couldn't stand it. She was so use to hearing the annoying sound of Rikku's voice bugging her all the time. Sure, she loved to have some peace and quiet time but this was just too much. She needed some sort of noise.

"So….what do you do for a living?" she asked, trying to get a conversation started.

"I'm a detective," he said and her eyes went wide. 'Crap!' she thought. 'I'm sitting in a car with a detective. Not to mention a very good looking one…NO! Don't think about that. Just keep your cool and make sure he doesn't figure out that you are a thief."

"Oh, that's nice," she said, looking down into her lap. Another silence.

"You?"

"Huh?"

"What do you do for a living?"

"Oh I'm a……." Paine started, trying desperately to figure out a job that would impress him, 'Wait, why do I want to impress him?' "I work at a store." 'That was lame.'

"What store?"

"The uh…..jewelry store. In fact, I was just done with my shift over there so that's why I was walking home."

"Oh…" Once again another long silence. "Is this your house?"

"What?"

"Is this where you live?" he asked, getting quite annoyed at how often she would space out.

"Oh yeah," she said and quickly got out of the car. Zexion being the gentleman he is, also got out and lead her to the door. "Thanks for the ride, Zexion."

"It was no problem." She nodded and started to go inside. That is till Zexion grabbed her arm once again and pulled her back to face him. She looked at him confused. "I usually get a payment for these kinds of things," he said with a smirk. Her eyes widened. Did he want….that? He saw the fear in her eyes and he couldn't help but laugh. "N-n-not th-that!!!" he managed to say in his fit of laughter. As soon as it calmed down, he said, "I meant a date."

"Oh…Sure, why not?" She took his hand and grabbed a pen from her pocket. She scribbled something on it.

"What's this?"

"My number. Call me and let me know when we should get together." With that said, she winked at him and went into her house. Once she closed the door, she leaned on it and blushed. Rikku came running up to her, demanding to know what she had just saw outside the window. 'This is gonna be a long night,' Paine thought bitterly.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Zexion looked at his hand while he drove. He knew it wasn't the smartest thing to do but he couldn't help but ponder what had happened just a moment ago. What had happened for the past couple of minutes. What had just happened between him and that girl. Paine. He shook his head. He shouldn't have his mind on her beautiful silver hair, her rosy red eyes, her shining pale skin, her….damn it he should have better things to concentrate on, like his case at the jewelry store. 'I have to forget about her at the moment,' he thought. 'I have to focus on this case!'

&&&&&&&&&&&&

"What makes you so sure that my jewelry store will be the next target of a possible thievery?" the young store manager asked Zexion.

"There is a pattern," Zexion said. "All the places that had been robbed were jewelry stores. But that's not it. The first store that was robbed, it was on First Street. The second one, Second Street. Your shop is the only jewelry store that is on Third Street, making it a very possible that your shop is the next target." Yuna, who was pretending to be a customer, was closely listening to the conversation going on between the detective that was after them and the store manager. 'Smart ass,' she thought as the detective had figured out their ways of choosing a target.

"But these thieves aren't the greatest thieves ever. They've only stolen one object from each of the stores."

"True, they had stolen one object, but it was the most valuable thing in each of the stores. It was the jewel that was most guarded in their shops. Tell me, what is your most valuable thing? What is most guarded item in this shop?"

The store manager pondered for a moment, then snapped his fingers with a little "a-hah!" sound and motioned Zexion to follow him into the back of the store. Yuna stealthily followed and watched from a safe distance. The manager pulled a necklace out and Yuna's eyes went wide. There it was. The "Eterna", the necklace of eternal love. It was a simple necklace. It had a silver chain with a diamond pendant on it. Very, very simple, but there is more to it than meet.

In a fairytale that is taught to all the children of Escado, there were two warring kingdoms, one was Escado itself and the other was Lescallia, the present day country that Escado hasn't had friendly relations with. A young warrior from one of the countries, Ike and the princess of the other country, Elincia, had fallen in love. Ike didn't know what to do about it and therefore goes to the three sister mages of his country asked them for advice. Ilyana, being as optimistic as she is, has Eterna made for him to represent his eternal love for the princess. Pricialla, being down to earth, made a necklace with a ruby pendant, Tiette, to represent that they were in love in general. Lute, being chronically pessimistic, had made a necklace with a black diamond pendant, Vieta, to represent that their love would never work because it was forbidden. They gave him the necklaces and told him to give Elincia the choice of the necklaces and depending on which necklace she chooses, that is how their love will wind up. If she chose Vieta, they would never be together and they will love each other from afar. If she chose Tiette, they would get married and will have a peaceful life elsewhere. If she chose Eterna, they would get married, rule over both kingdoms, and bring peace and prosperity to all. The rest of the story was too sad in Yuna's opinion that she did not even want to think about it any further than this.

This was only a replica, though. The real Eterna, according to the story, had disappeared. Whether or not the story was true or not, it did not matter. There was still only one Eterna, one Tiette, and one Vieta. And people have been trying to get their hands on these necklaces for years. Yuna smirked. 'Too bad for them. We've already got Tiette and Vieta. All we need now is Eterna.' Yuna observed as the manager explained how the security works for this necklace. She noticed it was the same as the other two necklaces, with detecting lasers and all that other nonsense. Piece of cake for Yuna, Rikku, and Paine. 'This is way too easy,' Yuna thought. Her expression quickly changed as Zexion yawned at the manager's explanation. "Too easy," he stated flatly.

"Wh-What?" the manager said. "I'm afraid you don't understand, Detective, but this is the best security in the whole entire town!"

"That's what the other two managers said," Zexion said. "They had the exact same security here and look what happened. Vieta and Tiette, both stolen, right under their noses. Give me Eterna, I'll make sure that it will be kept under greater security than this." The manager hesitantly handed Eterna to him. "Thank you for your cooperation. Don't worry, I'll make sure nothing will happen to it." With that said, Zexion headed out of the store, knowing that one of the thieves had over heard them talking.

Short, I know. Hopefully the next chapter will be longer. We'll see. 'Till then, reviews please!


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, I'm only posting this because I'm NICE! NOW YOU BETTER GODDAMN REVIEW OR I SWEAR I SHALL BURN EVERYTHING IN MY WAY! OO;; right...sorry about that. But come on people! Review! You'll be surprised how much it helps! For you and for me! Anyways, on with the story! I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy**

Yuna had left the store as soon as she saw that smirk the detective had as he had walked out the building. She knew he was going to be trouble. This was going to be near impossible. Not impossible, but pretty damn close to it, but hey, they've done the impossible before and they sure can do it again. Yuna stepped into the house and noticed Rikku watching some sort of soap opera and Paine deep in thought. "We've got a problem, girls," Yuna said, grabbing both girls' attention. "We've got some damn good detective on our case, and when I say damn good, I mean DAMN GOOD."

"So?" Rikku said, not really worried. "We've dealt with the impossible before, we can sure as hell do it again."

"That's the response I was hoping to get," Yuna said with a smile. She noticed Paine wasn't really paying any attention. "Well Paine, aren't you gonna say something?"

"Huh Oh, whatever Rikku said," Paine said quickly and went back to her thoughts.

"Alright, what happened? It's not like you to be so distracted."

"She's probably thinking about that really cute boy!" Rikku said in a teasing voice. _WHAM_! Rikku fell straight onto the floor.

"Shut up, Rikku," Paine said, putting the pillow back in its original position, trying to hide the slight pink blush coming to her cheeks.

"Boy? What boy?" Yuna said, her thief side losing control as the girly side came into power. "What does he look like? Is he hot? Short? Tall? Muscular? Well Built?"

"Geez, no wonder you and Rikku get along so well," Paine said sarcastically. At that moment, the telephone rang. "I'll get it!" Paine jolted for the telephone, hoping it would be _him_. "Hello?"

"Hey." It was him. "How are you?"

"Good, I suppose. You?"

"Eh, so-so."

"That's good…." Paine was about to ask another question but was interrupted by two girly shrieks. She turned around and saw Yuna and Rikku running towards her.

"I wanna talk to him!" Rikku yelled, lunging for the phone. Paine quickly dodged it but ended up on the floor as Yuna tackled her and had gotten a hold on the phone.

"Hello? Are you Paine's boyfriend? Have you gone anywhere romantic? Have you kissed her yet? Do you two have wild, slut-like sex or is it all lovey-dovey? Do you guys use condoms? Are you-" Yuna had asked her questions so quickly, Zexion could only let out an um for two reasons: 1) he had absolutely no clue what was going on and 2) whoever this girl was, she was asking her questions way too fast. Meanwhile, Yuna couldn't go on her rampage as Paine had managed to get her hands free and cover Yuna's mouth while the other battled for the phone. Eventually Paine was victorious and had managed to escape the prison Rikku and Yuna were keeping her in and quickly dashed for her bedroom. She was thanking Sephiroth that there was only one phone in the house. She locked her bedroom door and could hear Yuna and Rikku banging on it, saying things like "Let me in!" or "I wanna talk to him!" over and over again.

Ignoring them, Paine asked, "Are you still there Zexion?"

"What the hell…..was that?"

"Those were my two loveable but annoying best friends. Sorry about that."

"It's…..fine…." A long pause, then Zexion said, "You owe me a payment."

"I am quite aware of that, but that isn't the greatest way to ask a girl out for dinner."

"ASK HIM IF HE WEARS BOXERS OR BRIEFS!" Rikku yelled outside the door. Paine could hear him spit something out. He was probably drinking something and overheard Rikku. Paine really wished she could just make them disappear for a moment.

"Sorry about that," she mumbled into the phone. "My friends are…..insane"

"I could tell…Anyways, I'll pick you up at 8 for dinner and we'll eat at Lillian's Bistro, deal?"

"Aren't you supposed to ask me if I even wanted to go out on a date?"

"Why? I already know the answer."

"Some romantic guy you are…."

"Whatever," he said. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"I guess. Bye for now." Paine was about to hang up but heard something that confused her quite a bit.

"Boxers."

"What?"

"Tell your friends that I wear boxers." And with that, Zexion hung up on a furiously blushing Paine.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

"PAINE'S GOTTA BOYFRIEND! PAINE'S GOTTA BOYFRIEND! PAINE'S GOTTA BOYFRIEND! PAINE'S GOTTA BOYFRIEND!" Rikku's had been singing this song for the past ten minutes and Paine was very close to just shoving her in the oven. Yuna ignored the singing and continued on helping Paine getting ready. Neither of them had noticed the cause of Rikku's singing. She was eating at least 12 bagfuls of candy and had already started gulping down her 50th cup of coffee. She had also munched on about 20 donuts already. "PAINE AND HER BOYFRIEND SITTING IN A TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! FIRST COMES LOVE! THEN COMES MARRIAGE! THEN COMES BABY IN THE BABY CARRIAGE!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Paine's POV:

I am very close to just stuffing her in the oven. No, actually I am very close to just stuffing her in the toilet and flushing her away, if it's possible.

'Ok ok,' I thought to myself. 'Just calm down and repeat these words: I will not stuff her in the oven nor in the toilet. See? Simple. I will not stuff her in the oven or the toilet, I will not stuff her in the oven or the toilet, I will not stuff her in the oven or the toilet, I will not-

'_Get nervous on my first date with Zexion.'_

'Yeah, that too. I will not- WAIT JUST A SECOND! Who the hell are you?'

'_I'm your conscience.'_

'My conscience?'

'_Yep!'_

'Since when did I have a conscience?'

'_Since you fell in love with a really cute guy'_

'I am not in love!'

'_Yes you are, and I'm going to prove it to you'_

'How?'

'_By…showing you?'_

'Smooth'

'_Thanks!'_

'I was being sarcastic…'

'_I KNOW! I'M YOUR CONSCIENCE, REMEMBER?'_

'You're crazy, that's what you are.'

'_Well since I'm YOUR conscience, I guess that means YOU'RE crazy.'_

'Dammit, I am not crazy!'

'_Yes you are 'cuz technically, you're talking to yourself!'_

'I AM NOT TALKING TO MY….DAMMIT!'

'_HAH! I WIN!'_

'Doesn't that mean I win?'

'_Why would it mean that?'_

'Well since you are my conscience, if YOU win, technically I win'

'_Damn, you're good!'_

'I know!'

"THAT'S NOT ALL, THAT'S NOT ALL! THE BABY'S DRINKING ALCOHOL!"

'_You should at least stuff her in the oven. Her voice is getting quite irritating.'_

'I was thinking more of stuffing her in the toilet.'

'_How about a broom closet with zombies? I heard she hates zombies.'_

'Too bad they don't exist.'

'_Oh damn…how about chasing her around with a knife?'_

'That is….not a bad idea. No wonder you're my conscience.'

'…_I guess I'll take that as a compliment…'_

Wonderful, now I'm talking with myself. I really am crazy.

'_Oh by the way, when he's doing IT with you, make sure you are on top!'_

'When he's doing what with me?'

'_You know…THAT…'_

'No I don't know. What?'

'_Rikku will show you in just a sec…'_

Did I actually want to know?

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Normal POV:

"Hey Paine, when he does IT with you, make sure you're on top!" Rikku beamed. Yuna seemed to have turned as bright as a tomato. Paine just looked confused.

"What is IT, exactly?" Paine, clearly having no clue what Rikku was talking about.

"THIS!" Rikku took a donut and found a pixie stick. She then repeatedly put the pixie stick through the hole of the donut. Paine soon turned as bright as Yuna had. Soon she had a calm face though.

"Rikku…"

"Yes?"

"I'm gonna kill you!" With that, Paine lunged towards her with a knife she had just pulled out of nowhere. Rikku screamed and ran for her life as Paine ran after her. Yuna ran after Paine, hoping that she wouldn't actually kill Rikku.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Zexion's POV:

I parked my car in front of her house and walked towards the door. I knew this wasn't going to be a normal date but it'll be fun, nonetheless. I was just wondering if the girl was worth it.

'I'm sure she is. She's smart, nice…sometimes, she's emo like me-

'_And she sure has one hot body!'_

'That too and she's-HOLD ON! Who are you?'

'_I'm your conscience! You know, the thing that tells you what's right and wrong, the thing that tells you when you are actually hungry, the thing that tells you-'_

'I KNOW WHAT A CONSCIENCE IS DAMMIT!'

'_I know, I'm just bugging you.'_

'You are doing a pretty good job of it.'

'_I know'_

'Is that all you ever say?'

'_Maybe…'_

'Ugh, great, I'm talking to myself…'

'_I know'_

'SHUT UP!'

'_MAKE ME!'_

'HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?'

'_FIGURE IT OUT!'_

'Damn you!'

'_Calm down, I'm leaving for the moment anyway. Don't get your pink boxers in a bunch.'_

'GASP they are not pink! They're salmon!'

'_Difference?'_

'A BIG ONE!'

'_Sure whatever.'_ Good, it's gone… _'PINK!'_

'SALMON! THEY'RE SALMON!' This is exactly what I needed right before a date. Somehow, I had that whole conversation walking from my car to the door, which wasn't that big of a distance. I rang the doorbell, but I heard something like this:

"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU, RIKKU!" That was definitely Paine.

"You've been saying that for the past 20 minutes and you have yet to lay a hand on me! So try and get me, slow poke!" I suppose that was Rikku. I heard glasses crashing and things breaking.

"DAMN YOU!" Paine again.

"Paine, put the knife down!" Didn't know who that was, but it sounded like one of her friends from that telephone conversation.

"Guys…" that was a boy.

"Not now Tidus!" the unknown person said to the boy. I guess his name was Tidus.

"GET OVER HERE YOU PSYCHOTIC FREAK!" Maybe this wasn't a good time to take Paine out on a date.

"Make me, you…you…TOMBOY!"

"YOU DIDN'T!"

"I THINK I JUST DID!"

"HYPER LITTLE BITCH!"

"PAINE, PUT DOWN THE KNIFE!"

"Guys…"

"MAKE ME YUNA!" Ok so the unknown voice's name was Yuna.

"Believe me, I will!"

"You two fight like an old married couple. Hey Paine, maybe I should tell your date that you are a lesbian!"

"I AM NOT A LESBIAN!"

"Fine, bisexual!"

"I'M STRAIGHT!" Maybe I should just leave and tell her that I got sick or something….

"PUT THE KNIFE DOWN!"

"NO!"

"GUYS!"

"WHAT?"

"I think someone is at the door…"

"Oh…" The noise of things breaking had finally ceased and Tidus opened the door.

"Um…" I started. "Hi?" I was debating with my conscience whether I should stay put or just see if I should come some other time. I saw Paine leaning towards Rikku (I guess), having a knife in her hand. It looked like she was just about to stab her. Yuna (again, I'm guessing it's Yuna) was grabbing onto Paine's arm, using all her strength to hold Paine back. Rikku looked like she was in the middle of making a face. Tidus looked like he was trying to help out Yuna but his efforts weren't exactly making things better. I noticed picture frames, pots, and glasses had been shattered to a million pieces. I also noticed that the chandelier had also fallen. Only Sephiroth knew how that happened. "Is…this a bad time?"

"Oh no, you're fine. I was just taking care of some business," Paine said, glaring at Rikku. Yuna's eyes seemed to have been focused on me. Her eyes widened.

"You're…You're…You're Paine's date?" she managed to say.

"Yeah…If this is a bad time, I'll just leave."

"NO!" Paine and Rikku yelled and then glared at each other. Finally, Paine had put down the knife and Rikku stepped out of her way.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Normal POV:

Paine casually walked towards Zexion as if nothing had happened. "Shall we go?" she asked. He nodded and observed her in her black dress. It was a halter and it ended at her knees. She wore some nice diamond earrings and a matching diamond necklace. She also had black stilettos on. Paine noticed Zexion observing her and blushed. She was about to raise her hand and slap him for looking at her like that, but decided against it.

"You look nice," he finally said. She blushed even more.

"WO-HO! YOU GO, GIRL!" Rikku cheered. Paine decided that this was the right time to leave. She grabbed Zexion's arm and was about to go through the door until… "REMEMBER TO BE ON TOP!" She blushed even more, if it was possible. Zexion opened his mouth, to question what Rikku had just said, but closed it, deciding that he actually didn't want to know. Paine sped through the door, dragging a very confused Zexion. As soon as they were in the car and had sped off, Rikku only then realized Yuna's worried expression. "Yunnie, what's wrong?"

"That guy…he's the detective that's on our tails," she said. Rikku's eyes widened also.

**So what'd you guys think? Yes I know, Zexion and Paine are acting totally out of character, but it makes the story more interesting! XD Reviews please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you reviewers! Because of you guys, this chapter is being posted up! Also, reviewers, I have read some of your stories and they would be great additions to the Livejournal community finalfantasized. I know you guys want to join. Also, if you want the full fairytale, then go read my other story, Eterna. That is the full fairytale itself. If you love sap, that is full of it! So go and R&R that please! Alright, enough of me blabbering. On with the story! I do not own Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts.**

"Sorry about that…" Paine mumbled as they drove to the restaurant.

"It's fine, I'm just curious, though," Zexion said. "Is it always like that?"

"Yep. You can never have a dumb moment with Rikku around."

"Ah," Zexion managed to get out. Silence took control through the rest of the drive. "We're here."

"Great! I'm starving!" Zexion smiled and got out the door. Being the gentleman that he was, he opened Paine's door and gave her a hand.

"Shall we?" he said, gesturing with his elbow.

"Gladly," Paine replied, taking a hold of his elbow.

&&&&&&&&&&

It had been an hour since Paine and Zexion left. Yuna wanted Paine to be home soon. She had to tell her that Zexion was the detective that was on their case. She continued watching the clock as Tidus comforted her. Rikku and Gippal seemed to have been doing a lot more than snuggling each other on the couch. Finally, Rikku and Gippal stopped their makeout session and sighed. "I'm hungry, when can we eat dinner?" Rikku asked.

"It's been ready, all we have to do is warm it up," Yuna said, still looking at the clock. The door opened and Yuna quickly got up and ran to the door. "Paine! There's something I have to tell-" she stopped when she saw Zexion next to Paine as they closed the door. "You…" she finally finished.

"Wow, you guys are back early," Rikku said, acting fairly normal even when she knew about Zexion.

"Let's just say that the restaurant wasn't the best place to actually eat," Zexion said. He then looked around the house. "You guys fixed up this place pretty quickly." The chandelier was back in its original place, the broken pieces of glass were gone, and the furniture had been put back to their normal positions.

"Well with a little teamwork and TLC, you'll be surprised what you can do!" Rikku said happily. Yuna just stood in her place, not knowing what to do. "So, why are you guys back here?"

"Well…" Paine started.

_Flashback:_

_Paine and Zexion went into the restaurant. A waitress came by them. "Hey, I had reservations made for 7:15," Zexion said._

_"Ok, under whose name?" The waitress asked._

_"Zexion."_

_"Gotcha, right this way please." The waitress led them to their table. "By the way, I'll be your waitress for the night, handsome."_

_"Excuse me? What did you just call me?"_

_"Handsome!"_

_"Um…"_

_"Here are your menus, just whistle for me when you're ready to order," the waitress said and winked as she gave them the menus._

_"Why whistle?" Paine asked, getting mad at their waitress._

_"Because," she said, looking seductively at Zexion and leaned down and whispered, "I like being whistled by hot men." With that, she left. Zexion and Paine turned red for two very different reasons. Zexion was quite embarrassed while Paine was getting furiously angry._

_Zexion and Paine had finally ordered their food (Zexion refused to whistle for the waitress and instead just told her they were ready when she was walking by them) and were now waiting patiently. "So…what do you do for a living?" Zexion asked, trying to start a conversation. Paine was about to answer when the waitress butted in._

_"Well as you can see, I'm a waitress but I have a second job."_

_"I wasn't asking you," Zexion said._

_"No he wasn't," mumbled a very annoyed Paine. "Where's our food?"_

_"It'll be ready in another 15 minutes. In the meantime, why don't we get to know each other a little more?" The waitress said, moving a little closer to a very uncomfortable Zexion._

_"I'd rather not," he said._

_"Would you like to know what my second job is?"_

_"NO!" Zexion said, trying to scoot his chair farther away from the waitress._

_"No? Oh I get it, would you like me to DO my second job? It'll be worth your while." The waitress moved closer. Zexion's eyes widened and he blushed, clearly understanding what this waitress' second job was. Paine was getting quite angry. "Just leave this tomboy and we can just head on over to my place. Or would you prefer your place?"_

**SMACK!**_ Paine had just gotten up and punched the waitress square in the face. Zexion had also gotten up and held Paine back from murdering the girl. "YOU LITTLE WHORE!" Paine yelled, grabbing many people's attention. Zexion noticed this and blushed out of embarrassment. "YOU PROSTITUTE! I WILL DEFINITELY COMPLAIN TO THE MANAGER ABOUT THIS! HOW DARE YOU? THINKING YOU CAN SEDUCE A MAN ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE ELSE!" Zexion started dragging her out of the restaurant. "JUST YOU WAIT YOU LITTLE BITCH! THIS ISN'T OVER! THIS ISN'T OVER!" Paine yelled as Zexion dragged her out of the restaurant and quickly got her into the car. He then sped away._

Present time:

"The waitress did deserve that, but I did over re-act. So to make up for it, I offered him to come have dinner with us. That is ok, right?" Paine asked.

Yuna was about to say no till Rikku interjected. "Of course it is! We have plenty to go around, right Yunnie?" Rikku gave Yuna a look, telling her to just go with the flow.

"Of course it is," Yuna said quietly. "I just hope you don't mind our boyfriends over."

Zexion looked at the guys on the couch who just grinned and waved and said, "I don't mind at all. Thanks for letting me come over."

&&&&&&&&&&&

Dinner, Zexion's POV:

Well, here I am, sitting next to Paine. She told me that when Rikku was around, there was never a dumb moment. Well, this wasn't a dumb moment, but it was definitely a boring moment. Paine was eating, so was I, Yuna just looked at her food, mindlessly moving the piece of chicken around, not really paying attention. Tidus was…eating, as well as Rikku and Gippal was just staring at Rikku. I could only guess what he was thinking. It was really silent until a monster came out of Tidus' stomach. Ok, that never really happened but that's how bored I was. "So…" Rikku started, "Zexion, what do you do for a living?"

I sighed and put my fork down. "Well, I'm a detective and work with the police department often. I'm currently working on a case right now. Hopefully, it'll turn out ok."

Again silence. This was really getting on my nerves. Finally Yuna said something. "Hey Zexion, do you think it's alright for a detective, like you, to fall in love with some thief?"

Well that was strange. "Um…I'm not sure. I guess it depends who the thief is. If it's a criminal mastermind, then I'd have to see if the thief was just using me for their own purposes. But if it were…I don't know, petty, I suppose…then I think it'll be ok," I said, not really sure if that made sense. Yuna just let out an "oh" and went back to looking at her food. Paine looked at her, confused. She was also wondering where that question had came from. There was a little bell noise coming from the kitchen, like a timer had just gone off.

"That's the dessert!" Yuna said and quickly dashed into the kitchen. Again, another silence. I was gonna end up killing someone if these silences kept happening.

"If you were a condom, what flavor would you be?" Rikku asked. I choked on my chicken. Where the hell did that come from? I knew I was bored out of my wits and was begging for something to happen, but that was unexpected. That just came out of nowhere. Paine had spat the water she was drinking back into the glass.

"RIKKU!" she yelled, her face turning bright red. Rikku just had an annoyed face, since no one had answered her question.

"They come in different flavors?" Tidus asked, looking somewhat disgusted and at the same time interested.

'_Well DUH!'_

'Oh no, not you again!'

'_Yes me again!'_

'Why are you here?'

'_The conversation got interesting. Munch Munch'_

'Are you… eating?'

'_Yeah, popcorn.'_

'You can eat?'

'_Uh-huh!'_

'But aren't you a figment of my imagination, only created to tell me from right and wrong, good and bad, evil and pure?'

'_Um…no I'm not…?'_

'That doesn't help'

'_I know'_

'Just answer this, how'd you make the popcorn?'

'_In the microwave, duh!'_

'I shouldn't have asked…'

'_No you shouldn't have'_

That conscience was getting quite annoying. Anyway, back to the condom thing, Tidus was disgusted but at the same time interested. Rikku still looked annoyed, no one had answered the question yet. Gippal, though, looked like he was deep in thought. "Cherry…" he finally said. Everyone, except Rikku and Tidus turned red. "If I were a condom, I would be cherry." Rikku beamed and hugged Gippal. Tidus still seemed shocked about condoms coming in different flavors. Paine was just embarrassed about the whole situation. I was shocked because someone had ACTUALLY answered that question. Yuna finally came back with a pie in her hands.

"I hope you guys enjoy apple pie!" she said, putting the pie down on the table. Tidus drooled and was the first one to get a piece of it.

"DELICIOUS! YUNA I LOVE YOU!" he exclaimed as Yuna blushed. "Next time we make it, love, we should use cherries!" Paine and I blushed, Rikku giggled insanely, and Gippal just smirked.

Yuna's face turned red and then…SMACK! "PERVERT!" she yelled before getting up and leaving the table. Tidus held his head in pain while Rikku and Gippal laughed. Tidus didn't understand why Yuna had hit him until he remembered the previous conversation. I was wondering if Yuna had actually heard all that through the kitchen door.

"Yuna, wait! I didn't mean it like that!" Tidus yelled as he ran after her. Rikku and Gippal continued to laugh while Paine muttered something along the lines of, "Idiot."

&&&&&&&&&&&

After the dinner, I told Paine I had to head home. So I quickly kissed her on the check (though Gippal was doing some inappropriate movements with his hip behind her) and left. When I got home, I saw Demyx and Axel watching something on the TV. Demyx looked up and said, "Hey." I waved at him. Then Axel held up a bowl of…oh no.

"Want some cherries?" he asked.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" I ran up the stairs and into my bedroom and slammed the door. I can never look at those things the same for quite some time.

Normal POV:

_SLAM!_ Demyx and Axel winced as they heard Zexion slam the door. "Gee…" Axel started. "I didn't know he hated cherries that much."

"Yeah, me either." Demyx took another cherry and continued to watch the TV. "Hey Axel, look! Check this commercial out!"

Commercial:

_Woman is walking through the woods and walks up to a bowl of cherries._

_Woman: What's your flavor of the night?_

_Camera shows a box of flavored condoms_

_Woman: Cattion__s. **THE **flavored condoms of all time._

Demyx and Axel stared at the television screen, then at each other, then at the cherries. All of a sudden, the bowl of cherries was in the air and Demyx and Axel were running up the stairs, screaming at the top of their lungs.

&&&&&&&&&&&

"So, what is it you wanted to talk about?" Paine asked Yuna.

"Huh?" Yuna replied, pondering on what she should do.

"You said you needed to tell me something."

"Oh…yeah that…" Yuna sighed. 'Might as well get it done with,' she thought. "Paine…Zexionisthedetectivethatisafterus!" Yuna said quickly.

"What?"

"Um….Zexion is the detective that is after us…I saw him at the jewelry store, talking with the manager…I'm sorry Paine," Yuna said as she saw Paine sink down onto the couch, her eyes wide with disbelief.

**Thank you fans who have been reviewing! I just want to let you know that that commercial on TV that Axel and Demyx saw is a real one. Believe me, I've seen it before and my reaction was literally this: OO. Also, I'd like to add a note that What is Love? is open for suggestions. Name a couple (any couple from Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts) and I'll see if I can write something about it. Also, if you are enjoying the stories that I have written so far, then please, _please_ join the Livejournal Community finalfantasized. A lot of the shorts that were posted in ****What is Love?**** can be found there. Also, we want to see what other people can come up with. I don't like being the only one there posting up stuff. So please join!**


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